Get em Kyuubi!
by actionliker
Summary: Naruto brought back Sasuke from the valley, but all Konoha hates him, even the ones who seems to cared for him the most and banish him, but instead of feeling hatred or sadness he's just bored at the situation only to 4 chapters!
1. Chapter 1

wazzuuup!! ACTION-blah-blah made another oneshot!

Disclaimer: don't own naruto

Title: get em Kyuubi!

SUMMERY: Naruto brought back Sasuke from the vally, but all Konoha hates him, even the ones who seems to cared for him the most and banish him, but instead of feeling hatred or sadness he's just bored at the situation

**(Story starts...NOW!!!)**

Standing at the gates of Konohagakure was a boy who was now slowly walking to the gates with his luggage and other supplies that makes you think he's on vacation.

Behind him are Konoha civiains. crowds of children, civilians, Konoha elders, Konoha council, and ninja and kunoichi at the ranks of genin like the rookie 9 and team Gai, chunin, jounins like Kakashi and Asuma, and lots of lots of ANBU.AND last but not least one male sanin and a female sanin.

And all of them are looking at the boy with hatred. pure hatred, pure contempt, pure spite, pure loathing, pure of everything negative that involves with hate. Also glee for the "demon," "loser," "disgrace" is soon to be gone is all directed by the crowd to one single figure.

He's 4'9. His clothing are orange cladded, blond, and blue eyes. And he reeks of ramen like if he came in a mansion the smell of ramen rolling off him will drown the mansion with the smell in less the a hour. he's Uzumaki Naruto.

And he was banished for a succesful mission of retreiving Uchiha Sasuke from the grasp of Orochimaru, and what did he get as a reward?

banishment.

More rejection, more hated and no more Ichkaru(spelling?) ramen. Naruto just continue walking.but not before looking at Jiraiya, tsunade, the rookie nine and the other people who "cares about him, is now just like the civilans and others. Hate was visible on their faces.

He looked at Sasuke, who was looking smug although he was in a full body cast, he still able to look smug.

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When he came to the gates of Konoha dragging an unconsious Sasuke on his back and there was 50 percent of Konoha civilians standing near hoping for the 'golden uchiha hero' is back and when they saw the"Demon" they suddenly grew a bloodlust. Naruto just kept walking silently as the ninja and ordinary civilians closing in on a attack.But as soon as they got there, Naruto suprisingly 'shushined' as Sakura able was to land a blow screamimg "THIS IS FOR INJURING SASUKE-KUN DEMON!!" and Kakashi's Rakiri...and the kunai and pitchforks aimed at him by the other ninja and civilains

Tsunade, Jiraiya,Kakashi, Iruka and the council (both civilian and clans head) were now deciding the fate of Uchiha Sasuke .

But then 1 hour later the council is now looking at Sasuke with pity, guilt and sympathy. Sasuke,who is now crying hystericly(gasp! he cries hystericly!?)and being comforted by Tsunade and Jiraiya who are now had newfound hatred tword...the "kyuubi brat."

Sasuke, however woke up from his beating from the "dobe" and found himself in a full body cast and bandeged around his head. Also he found out wether he should be executed and thought of a plan

_'They won't kill me! They'll spare me! Yeah! I'm a Uchiha! last of my clan too!_" Sasuke thought as Jiraiya spoke with the council. _"I'll cry my heart out like being tortured, I'll blame Naruto for my "betryal" and they'll buy it pity me!" _he paused. _'It's perfect! They'll drive him out then everybody will nurse me and feed me back to health and without the "dead last" to stop me. Orochimaru and his henchman will come for me, destoy Konoha and give me power to kill Itachi!!!!!" _ended Sasuke with a insane hidden look. _'although it will SERIOUSLY injure my pride and dignity, but it's still worth it.'_

And it worked.

But as he was only 15 feet from the gate when he was stopped in his tracks by a female voice.

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Tsunade's voice.

"You damned de-er-I mean, Uzumaki Naruto. For the punishment of provoking the Ichibi no Shukaku to attack the village, and corrupting the last Uchiha to have a insane thirst for power making him believe following Orochimaru for it." She sneered in disgust at his direction "Also with your pranks, which are getting a _teeny_ bit dangerous that cripples several elders, and with all these crimes you commited are hereby banished from Konohagakure." She finished loudly so avery could hear. The crowd wnt wild and cheered for their Godaime for doing what the 3rd could not do...banish the vile evil that plauges the village

Naruto however was just standing there with an exression was not what most people thought it would be, it wasn't fury, it wan't misery, also no hint of contempt or any of that aim back at them. No, his face was...calm, his lips were in a straight thin line and his eyes were half lid and not once but _twice_!, he "yawned" at his situation. The way his face looked and body language meaning his legs were slouched as he walked and stood. And if they don't know better. They could say that...he was...in a state of _boredom!?_

"Uzumaki, do you understand me?" Tsunade spat with venom. eyeing him with hate.

Naruto looked at her with a blank stare "yeaah" he simply replied.

"Do you regret anything for what you did to your people?" She asked nastily.

Naruto looked at her with a bored look, and for a minute or two. "No" he replied

The crowd or rather most of the village was in a uproar.

:"SEE! the demon has no guilt or what so ever!" cried a random villeger.

"He tried to take my student's credit for beating that raccoon-dog sand demon!!" Barked Kakashi.

"He's a heartless demon!" cried Sakura's mother."I bet he's trying to corrupt my daugher as well!"

"Yeah i agree! he has no heart! Since im his teamate, he probaly wanted to kill me and wanted to get close to me by his annoying facade!!" screamed a pink hair...thing, not noticing she made the people around her deaf...besides her mother.

"Kyu-I mean, Uzumaki, why are you standing here? Get out of the village!" Iruka growled and the crowd cheered "This village had enough of your...evil." He expressed the word "So get OUT!!!" he screamed and the crowd goes to a state of you-can't-cheer-harder-then-this, mode.

Naruto turned his attention from Tsunade to Iruka. His face was indifferent, still had that bored look.

"I'm just waiting for my ride" he replied monotously.

"Well who!? i see nobody, is it your mother whore? your demon brotheren? a father who abandoned you, because he found out your a demon!?" Sakura enthusicaticly yelled so everybody could hear. The crowd laughed at her antics and pointed and jeering at Naruto.

Naruto looked at her before breaking the plain look on his face that screams "whatever" to a wide grin, a grin wide enough not to show an inch of his teeth.

"Oh yeeeeeaaaah" he said loud,long and clear, the crownd sweatdropped "thanks for reminding me Sakura" Sakura and some of the others raised their eybrows. He NEVER said her name without the "chan" suffix.

Naruto turned his back on them and began snapping his fingers in some kind of rythemic beat .

"HEY KYUUBI KYUUBI KYUUBI" in a loud sing-song voice as if he was calling a puppy or something.

The people behind him gasp and became silent while looked around them. The silence lasted for a minute untill Sakura broked it.

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING YOU F$KING PIECE OF IDIOT SH#T ARE YOU!? KYUUBI IS YOU!! **YOU ARE THE KYUUBI!!!!!!** she screamed making the crowd nodding their heads in agreement...and made LOTS of people permanantly deaf.

Kakashi stepped forword. "SHE'S RIGHT!! WE SHOULD JUST KILL THE DE-" He was stopped when the Earth beneath him shook violently.

"My ride is here!" Naruto squeaked happily.

They saw the forest earth rose. Some trees fell and soon the Earth rose at a point of at least 50 feet and continued to climb higher as some people can see some kind of red fur on top as the dirt covering the rising earth fell off.

Soon their face of Awe, and astonishment became faces of horror and fear.

More earth and dirt came off and soon standing at a impressing yet imitating height of 100 feet. Red pyro colored fur made it stand out more then it already did.

Blazing white razor sharp teeth that the size of everage man fangs the size of a car. And by the looks of it, it might crush and munch anyting.

claws are also the size of cars, maybe a size of a Honda truck or just a truck. and like it's teeth, thay were razor sharp and suprising clean.

And last but not least, Nine red tails swayed and danced behind it's butt.

It was...Michel Jackson!! (no im just kidding, it's just a pathetic attempt of a pathentic gag reel/blooper.

No, it was the demon lord of hell, leader of the Kyu no bijjiu (or just Bijju's) Kyuubi no Kitsune.

"Aaaah, there's my ride!" Naruto smiled/grinned with his eyes close/squinted at the Crimson furballed behemoth. not paying attention to the thunderstrucked people behind him, who were now looking at him and up at Kyuubi as if they were trying to put two and two together.

**"What now brat?" Growled **the mountain like furball.

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so how do you like it!? Like it!? hate it!?

this is gonna be in three chapters 

please review!


	2. Chapter 2

wazzuuup!! ACTION-blah-blah made another oneshot!

Disclaimer: don't own naruto

Title: get em Kyuubi!

SUMMERY: Naruto brought back Sasuke from the vally, but all Konoha hates him, even the ones who seems to cared for him the most and banish him, but instead of feeling hatred or sadness he's just bored at the situation

**(Story starts...NOW!!!)**

**"What now brat?" Growled **the mountain like furball.

"Heeeeey Kyu, sorry if im not asking much, but Konoha is now banishing me, and I have nowhere elso to go...so can you help me?" Naruto in a monotoned(bored) voice. But used his special self made "Chibi your self jutsu" just in case so Kyuubi think twice before striking him.

Too bad "Chibi your self jutsu" doesn't work on the Bijju king.

Kyuubi stared at Naruto then at the crowd, then back to Naruto. The lord of foxes closed his eyes and started walking to where Naruto stood...the gates of Konoha.

Now Tsunade, Kakashi, Sakura, Sasuke and the rest of the crowd were speechless. Just outside the gates of Konoha stood the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the demon who nearly destroyed the village 13 years ago is now standing in all it's glory (or rather horrifying glory) and below it's feet was the 'supposed' Kyuubi no Kitsune, _"WTF is going on!"_ every Naruto haters thought.

Kyuubi's snout was barely a foot away from him and his started to open his mouth which revealing his rows of deadly razor sharp teeth(The crows flinch thinking what happen if they get stuck in the demon's gums) and yelled/**roared "WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM!?!?!?" **His demonic voice echoed all the way to the sound village. Naruto was blown off his feet and most of the crowd as well! **"I'M A DEMON LORD!!! RULER OF HELL!!!! THE KING OF KINGS!!! BUT I-AM-NOT-YOUR-DAMNED-**(beep)**-TAXI!!!!!!!" **More then 90 percent of Konoha people were blown off their feet.

Naruto was the one to recovered first and was now glaring at Kyuubi with a still bored look but his eyes contained irratation and...amusment?

"Come on my dear_ lord _Kyuubi" The fox narrowed it's eyes at the sarcastic remark. "You would'nt want to be _caught _would you?" Naruto chuckled

Tsunade got out of her shock and said "Kyuu-I mean Naruto, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!!!" She screamed.

Naruto tore his attention from the great red furball and looked at Tsunade with a raised eyebrow. (WWF/WWE Dyaine " The Rock" Johnson style!)

"ow..."He lazily started to rub in ear holes with his pinky. (and still with the bored tone yo!) "I'm talking _Tsunade_...jeez...maybe Dan and Nawaki commited suicide to get away from your loud voice" he ended plainly, no sneer no arrogance backing up his voice, only a plain, bored,uninterested tone backed it up.

And Naruto monotonous voice was what just made Tsunade tremble with unmatched fury and it was visible. Chakra rosed around her making the crowd around her rouse in alarm.

OOOH...how she wanted to pound that little S.O.B. but before she took a step, her rage was instantly replaced by fear as she remembered _what_ exactly was behind him

BACK TO KYUUBI AND NARUTO

**"What do you mean get **_**caught**_**?"** Kyuubi raised an eyebrow. **"I am the **(the most boring speech of me as the most handsome, smexy, coolest thing on the planet, and how me too sexy to get caught) **and my male atonamy is also far surperior than all of you fleshbags put together! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! **Everyone(including the animals) besides Naruto sweatdropped.

Instead Nauto was amused even more"Oh yeah? what happens if i tell the..._council?"_

This got everyone on the edge _'council? does he mean the Konoha council?'_

**"What do you mean brat?" **Kyuubi's voice was calm, but inside, there was a sliver of worry. **"Oh shit, he couldn't have known!. maybe's he bluffing...! YEAH!! thats it!!" **He convinced himself as he and the mob lookked at Naruto who was scratching the back of his head, yawning before looking back to the crimson behemoth.

"that you **KYUUBI, **ruler of hell, king of the bijju lords and rumored to be the most nefarious, wicked and cruel... enjoys...dancing in a huge field of flowers and daisys in the afternoon." Naruto mischieviesly.

Kyuubiand the crowd had thier jaws drop to the ground.

The crowd(and animals) facefaulted to the ground. _' THE evil demon Kyuubi...Enjoys daisies and flowers...in the afternoon!? Has hell froze over!?"_

Kyuubi at the moment had a hard time recovering his jaw. _**'O-K...thats not**_** answer I was least hoping far, but still how does he knows that I enjoy daisys!**__**If he tells the council, I can still live with that... At the cost of humiliation for eternity, Oh well, at least he doesn't know '**_**that.''**_** at least i get to live!' **

"Oh and did i mention you had sex with your boss's daughter?"

Time froze at Naruto at Naruto's last lines, well at least to Kyuubi who's hearing a police siren alarm in his head for 20 sec before...he exploded(not literaly! LOL)

**"WHAAAAAaaaaaaTT!!!! YOU-HOW-guh- HOW DID YOU-erk-HOW DID YOU KNOW!!??!?"**Kyuubi screamed/shrieked that could be heard in the heavens making everyone cringe (you almost feel sorry to the "kyuubi haters who closest to the scream don't ya)

"ow...So is that a yes?" Naruto calmly said, his face was suprisingly a happy fox grin but it was amazing how he fought off the pain in his hear which was bleeding down to his neck.

**"Grrrr...okay, fine you tanned fleshbag, but first how did yo-" **Kyuubi was interupted when someone shouted "HALT!!"

They all looked at the one who shouted.

9 figures came out of a porno shop. Each had black cloaks with red clouds and their face are visible, also props of porno are visible in their hands..

Jiraiya,Kakashi Asuma, and Kurenai immediently went to a 'battle pose' and Sasuke tried to attack one of the new visiters but could not because he was in a full cement body cast, so all he accomplished was falling out off bed and being harrassed by Sakura, ino and the rest of his fangirls/boys. everybody looked at them in confusion.

"Akatsuki! what are you doing here!? Are you after the Kyuubi brat!? Jiraiya snarled. forgetting that Naruto and Kyuubi are _seperately _standing 5 feet from each other.

"Yeah...what he said, also forgetting that Naruto and Kyuubi are _seperately _standing 5 feet from each other.

"GAI!! WHY AREN'T YOU IN BATTLE MODE!?" Kurenai screamed.

"Yeah _Azure beast _aren't you gonna "Konoha seppu" on me again?" Kisame chuckled.

Gai looked at him and began to sweat.

"Y-Y-You-You" He stammered.

"Gai sensei do you know him?" Lee asked

Gai continue to stare and stutter at Kisame who's grinning.

Finaly Gai said.

"W-wuh..whoooooooo...ARE YOU!?...DO I EVEN KNOW YOU?" he dramaticly and politly asked.

Kisame, Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai and everybody else facefaulted and got up again.

Meanwhile Naruto who was silent for the last 5 minutes(gasp! 5 minutes!?) happily exploded(not literaly!LOL)

"UNCLE PEIN!!" He dashed to one of the member who had orange hair wierd eyes and many piercings on his nose and ears.

"Pein" the Akatsuki leader saw Naruto who was running happily to him, and marrily open his arms in welcolm and "said" in a voice that NOBODY except Naruto and the Akatsuki members expected.

"NAAAAaaaaaRuTOOOO MY deeEEEAAAR nepheeeew HOOOOW AaaaaaRE YOOOOOUU DOOOOING!!!!" he "said" in a screeching, "manly" high pitched sing-song voice that made people...well you can imagine their expression/reaction.

Naruto who was too overcomed my his joy, tripped on a bannana that suddenly came out of nowhere and was sent flying headfirst to and collided his "uncle." stomach.

Suprisingly the leader stood his ground and and also slipped on a bannana(that came out of nowhere and) that just appeared on his feet.

For two whole minutes, everyone stared at the two on the ground before they got up and hugged each other for a second before Itachi yelled "DOGPILE!" and bodyslammed his leader

The Akatsuki wanted wanted some too and began dogpile on their leader and his "nephew"

Everybody sweatdropped at sight of 9 S class criminals dogpile at each other before Jirayia recovered from his desbelief.

"Alright! I'll say it again! why are you guys here?" He said.

Pien and the other Akatsuki members slowly turned his head to the toad sage in a creepy manner.

"I haaaave came Tooooo seeeeee my NEPHEEeeeeeeeW!!" He said in a screeching "manly" sing-song voice again. The lights went out and he got on his knees and bowed dramaticly, with pointed both index fingers at his nephew Naruto, who was suddenly in a spotlight waving to the crowd saying "yo"!

KYUUBI who was silent for the LAST 12 minutes roared.**"Wait a minute! how long have you been here!?" **He paused **"And why are you in a porno store!?."** Everybody wanted to know as well.

This time Diedaria spoke up. "Since you came!"

The female unamed member stepped up. "Pein, Tobi and Zetsu wanted to take a break and Konoha has the best porn supply...to them at least." She ended lamely.

Itachi snorted "Suuuuuure you did" the unamed member blushed. (OMG ITACHI JUST MADE HUMOR!)

Tobi snooped behind her and put his arm around her making her glare at him at this sudden boldness.

"Haha! don't tried to hide it girlfriend! I bet you wanted these..." He pickpocket her and pulled out an familier orange book(the women gasped and the men cheered)."...So you can imagine yourself with Pein!" He laughed but recieved a sucker punch from the now beet red member.

Kyuubi was horrified. _**'OH HELL NO!! NOW EVERYONE WILL KNOW ABOUT MY 'ACTIONS!!'' **_He glared at Naruto, who was still in the spotlight _**"That little snot! I'm gonna ambush him someday, I'm gonna tie him up and...mumble...mumble..HAHAHAHA!!'**_

"Alright people!!" Naruto yelled clapping his hands so everybody shutted up"Kyuubi, Akatsuki dudes, we're leaving!" He jumped on Kyuubi's head who mumbled "I'm not a taxi..."

Kyuubi started to climb over the gates and the Akatsuki looked at the leader.

"leader-sama, we should go as well" Kisame said

The Leader looked at all the members for a full minute before nodding and said "Exeeeellent ideeeeeeaa my dear fishy comraaaaade" He sang as if he was in a opera making everyone thinking if he was sane. He went to the direction of Konoha gates along with his organization.

The mob were silent. Trying to asorb of..."WTF that just happened!"

All was silent until Naruto's voice was heard

"STOP!!!"

everybody paused as Naruto jumped off of Kyuubi's head. who was now looking at the orange cladded youth in confusion.

**''What is it now brat!?" **He said with irritation.

Naruto face was unreadable was now facing the mob then he pulled out...sunglasses .

Kyuubi,Tsunade and the others sweatdropped

_'Is this why he..._

Everybody's thoughts as Naruto walked to a desk and chair that just simply came out of nowhere.

Naruto sat on the chair and gazed at every inch of Konoha's citizens through his metal rimmed sunglasses. He rested his chin on his fingers(like how Sasuke put his chin on his fingers on ep 3 or "Naruto" volume 1)

"So" his voice had devoid of any amusement or humor, it was now strict and cold as steel making the mob flinch.

"You are all wondering why i am sitting here like i'm a punkish business owner, right?" They nodded, a boy snickered at the idea of a punk for a businessman but was silenced at Naruto's cold gaze.

"well...for the last 12 years you have all shunned me for this bozo who claimed himself as 'sexy''" he nodded to Kyuubi who said **"HEY"!!**

He ignored him and turned his attention to the crowd who seems a little guilty.

"And for making my life hell you are all gonna be punished to the extreme..." He let his word get to his "people" and soon murmers and sounds of outrage could be heard for a mile.

"I know, I know. We should have let bygones be bygones, but that's ain't how its gonna work! YOU shitheads..." he emphrased"...had made my life a living hell and banishing me for doing what you all ask for!" His eyes rested on Sasuke who was fuming that Itachi ws there and here he was patheticly motionless.

"...Aaaaand if you think your gonna get away with this, you are so (Beeping) WRONG!!" He narrowed his eyes at the frightened expression on Sakura and the others.

"S-S-SO W-What are...are punishment?" Kakashi fearfully asked.

Naruto's mouth turned to a wicked smirk scaring everybody including Kyuubi.

"Hehe...well since i sooooo nice" He chuckled darkly.

"you won't be executed by Kyuubi" Everybody(Konoha) sighed in relief but a bit alarmed at the thought of being "executed" by Kyuubi/

"No...instead you'll be in a emergency evacuation while Kyuubi..." He nodded to Kyuubi "...will decimate the village while YOU watch for the entire time!! NAHAHAHAHAHA!!" His face turned to a manical one and was laughing insanly with his "Uncle" who was laughing like a robot.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!" the Naruto haters who were also the Konoha haters shouted.

"SILENCE!!" everybody went silent. but soon a kind of music tone could be heard in the sky.

Naruto reached deep into his jacket and pulled out...a cellphone.

He flipped the cellphone cover off and put the electric device on his ear.

"Hey sexy! how are you!" Naruto was suddenly giddy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(imagine Naruto as Roy mustang flirting through the phone)xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

("Oh hello Naruto! thanks for calling. Are you busy?") A female voice said.

"Uh-huh! But i really wanted to hear your voice!

("Oh aren't you slick!")

"Yes I am! but can i call you later? I'm kinda busy"

("Really? well then, Say hi to Kakashi for me!") Kakashi tensed as he heard his name through this women, for some reason he knows this voice.

"Don't worry i will!" Naruto closed his cellphone and cheekily smiled at Kakashi.

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"Hey Kakashi! I'ts **RIN!!** She saids she knows you!!!"

Naruto snickered at Kakashi's enraged face.

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Well end of chapter 2 sorry if it sucks, my humor sucks my life sucks!

I Know I know! everybody is ooc and you can flame at my pathetic attempt to make a funny fanfic

but review please!

And also remember to read and poll "Hiraishin No Naruto!" and read review Reincarnation of Envy!"


	3. Chapter 3

wazzuuup!! ACTION-blah-blah made another oneshot!

Disclaimer: don't own naruto or anything

Title: get em Kyuubi!

SUMMERY: Naruto brought back Sasuke from the vally, but all Konoha hates him, even the ones who seems to cared for him the most and banish him, but instead of feeling hatred or sadness he's just bored at the situation

**(Story starts...NOW!!!)**

The sun slowly rised signaling it was morning, and the place that were looking is the beautiful yet corrupted village of Konoha. Hundreds and hundreds of Konoha civilians are walking solemy out of their beloved village and desperatly yet failing to shoot glares of utter hate to a certain orange wearing blond who was watching them like a prisin watchguard with his silver-rimmed sunglasses, 9 figures who were playing strip poker and suprisingly the blue head member is winning and all of her clothes are still on her while the men are in their boxers and sweating due to the hot atmospere of the fire country. And last but not least a giantic mountain of red pubic hair-**"HEY! THAT"S NOT EVEN FUNNY!!" **From above.

"Er...I mean the mountain sized nine tailed fox demon whose red fur gleamed like fire. **"THAT"S MUCH BETTER"** Grunted a demonic mountain of crimson pube hai-**"WHAT DID THE GIANT PUBIC HAI-I MEAN THE DEMON LORD TOLD YOU!?!?"**

"..." said the author.

**"LIKE I THOUGHT" **Snorted the magnificant demon.

"Aaah ma ma, Kyuubi leave the poor author alone and go back to your post ya daisy loving mountain of crimson pubes" Naruto's voice echoed his eyes still locked on of the people of his former village.

The Kyuubi stiffened and sputtered but obeyed. but not before muttering insults as he stomped away.

It was a beautiful day to well...everybody except the loyal Konoha citizens. After the cellphone conversation between Naruto and Rin added with an hour worth of calming a roaring angry fire-spitting Kakashi. Afte all this, Naruto announced...Judgement...day but court first.

And what Naruto means by Judgement and court is that Naruto is going to punish Konoha.

35 percent of Konoha were shouting disapproval and others like "we don't deserve this!" or "I'ts Naruto/Kyuubi's fault!" and one pink hair is "I HAVEN'T TAKEN SASUKE'S VIRGINITY YET!!!" let's say the last one made many argue and one certain Uchiha heir was shivering-NO,TREMBLED underneath his concrete full-body cast.

"Be quite!" Naruto spoke loudly, but their still a "we're innocent!" or "Sasuke-Kun! take my maiden-thingy before we die!"

"Silence!" even louder, but still a "You can't do this! Konoha is Kami's(God) own angels" and a "MY VIRGINITY!!"

"SHUDUP!!!!!". ROARED Naruto, but they're still jabbering.

**"Peas and rice people! for the love of me...EVERYBODY! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"**

Everybody stopped what they're doing at gaze upon the one who who silenced them.

The houses shook, heavens started to open up and God himself came down to say...("God"s face and everything was hidden by the holy clouds)

**"Naruto... NARUTO!!!" **

'Naruto gulped and replied. "Y-Y-YeS K-KaMi-S-SaMa? (kami-Sama)

**"Naruto! How could you!? Making all those poor Konoha citizens out and afraid and threatening them with a what? "Jugdement day court"...?"**

"But-but-but KAMI SAMA!" Naruto squeaked.

"Hooray! KAMI-SAMA decides to help us poor Konoha! I always knew we were Kami's little angels!" A random Konoha guy.

**"You...all did this...to Konoha of all people..." **Naruto seems to shrink a bit and the ever-so Konoha peoples looked hopeful. **"WITHOUT MEEEEEE!?!?" **The sky whined

Naruto un-shrinked himself and had a face of pure relief and the Konoha citizens had a look of disbelief and utter horror.

**"HAHAHAHAHA!! Sorry for startling ya son but that was too funny, but anyways speaking of you Naruto-kun..." **A GIANT hand came out of the glowing, holy heavens and held it close to Naruto as if wanting a high-five. **"...Wazzup ma brotha???"**

Naruto stared at the arm then the sky, then back to the arm.

"HAHA! Now that's what I'm talking about dawg!" and slapped at God's giant palm affectionaly.

_**'WHAT!? **__Even Kami-sama is joining him!' _Thoughts form all of the unfortunate citizens of the leaf.

Soon the giant arm retracted and a ray of bright,holy light shined on Sasuke whose muffled yell can be heard as the light blinded him.

**"Bob...Uchiha...or is it Billy Uchiha? I can't remember..."**

"But my name is Sasuke!" A muffled shout.

**"IT DOESENT MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!!!" **The sky trembled from the deep voice of Kami. **"Know your role and shut your mouth!!"**

"Y-Yes sir" a tiny chimpmunk voice from "Bob", no I mean Sasgay, NO, I mean Sasuke.

**"Oh yeah...I remember you...your that gay emo who tried to imagine my ass everytime you looked into the sky..." **A disgusted snort echoed. **"Jeez...your emo-ness made me crap while I'm flirting with **(BEEP) (CENSORED). **The most HUMILIATING moment of my life! Oh-hohohoho...**(BEEP) (CENSORED) **she** **was soooo fine and she was a fine FINE celeberty...and YOU ruined it! Yeah you-HEY! Don't even epologize you fool!" **He shouted at Sasuke who was trying to mutter apologies.

**"BUT! You can redeem your self". **He paused for Sasuke to listen. **"You will torture that pink hair racket of a mortal..." **

At this Sakura looked horified and gazed at her precious Sasuke who was grinning.

_'Hehe, maybe kami isn't so bad after all.' _ThoughtSasuke.

**"...And to assist to is the most smexy, cunning, and electrifiying villian man in "N.N.F"... **(**N**aughty **N**aruto **F**ederation)

_'Not Naruto, not Naruto, not Itachi, but please let it be Orochimaru, Neji's good but let it be Orochimaru...'_

**"...Welcome...! Itachi Uchiha!!!"**

(Deafening claps from the audiance, inumerable squeals from fangirls and tent that came out of nowhere and a red carpet rolled out to show it's rich crimson color and out came Itachi himself, OH YEAH!)

"..." Was all Itachi said as said as he smirked and waved to his squealing, screaming fangirls...and fanboys. (Who squealed/screamed/roared louder then it already it is)

"NOOOOoooo!" was all Sasuke/Sasgay screamed. "anyone but him! ANYONE BUT HIM!!!"

**"SILENCE!" **

silence

**"Sooo...no?" **

"No"

**"Really...?"**

_"Nooo"_

_**"Reeeeally...Your sure about that Bob?"**_

"It's SASUKE!...and NO!!"

**"Fine then! Itachi...sorry for wasting your time, you can go back now."**

(Itachi nodded and left, his fans roared in disapproval as the red carpet and the tent disappeared.)

"ALL RIGHT!!" Naruto finally spoken. "Can we commence Konoha's future now!?" He pleaded to the shiny spot in the sky.

**"By me! Look at the time! Your right! let's commence!" ** He waited for them **"The court will start...right over there." **Another ray of holy light came down and shined at the porno shop.

"A PORNO SHOP!? THAT WHERE YOU DECIDE OUR FUTURE!?" Tsunade FINALLY spoke.

**"Oh wait, sorry..." **The light moved to the Forest of Death.

"The forest of death?" questioned Sakura.

**"Er...can you hold for sec...?"**

Then the heavens opened up, and God himself produced lightning to destroy the forest of death leaving a massive amounts of empty space.

"OMG! you destoryed the forest AND the cute animals and plants within it!" GAI exclaimed.

"YOSH! YOU BASTARD!" -Lee.

**"Don't worry, the animals are safe and the trees and plants...oops...but anyways, LET THE T.O.K "TRIAL OF KONOHA" BEGIN!!"**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

(Sasuke)

"But what about me? am i redeemed?

(GOD/KAMI)

**"Yeeaaah...no"**

"WHAT!? BUT WHY NOT!?" (Sasuke

**"You haven't allied with Itachi to torture Sakura and your emo." **(GOD/KAMI)

"I'll never ally with that murderer but I can change!" (Sasuke)

**"Eeeer...no." **(GOD/KAMI)

"Grrr...DAMN YOU! I'm an Uchiha!" (Sasuke)

**"Damn you too...Oh and Sasuke..." **(GOD/KAMI)

(Sasuke looked up)

**"I LIED! I never wanted to redeem you! Anyway good gay...or should I say...**_**Go-To-Hell? NAHAHAHAHA"**_

And with that Kami left for the trials leaving a happy Naruto, Akatsuki and a pissed Sasuke, horrified citizens, and one sulking Kyuubi at his post.

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N**

**I decided to change it to 4 chapters instead of 3**

remember read and review ALL my stories! and review!

**  
**


	4. Chapter 4

wazzuuup!! ACTION-blah-blah made another oneshot!

Disclaimer: don't own naruto or anything

Title: get em Kyuubi!

SUMMERY: Naruto brought back Sasuke from the vally, but all Konoha hates him, even the ones who seems to cared for him the most and banish him, but instead of feeling hatred or sadness he's just bored at the situation

**(Story starts...NOW!!!)**

**Once upon a time, there was once a a magical village named Konohagakure...**

...that...

...that...

...that...

**...that that was destroyed...**

...for

...for

...for

**...for some uninportant reasons **.

...and...

...and...

...and...

**...THE END**

...NOT!!!!

(REAL 3rd chapter starts...NOW!!!)

Hundreds and well...just hundredS of Konoha citizens trudged nervously to the dangerous forest of death...weeeeell whats left of the dangerous forest at least.

In the middle of the once great forest were hundreds of awfully cheap wooden chairs. This made every loyal and glorius konoha-people miserable and cry.

Great...they get cheap stuff before they die...how far has Konoha's glory has fallen!?

**Then, the ground starts to shake, the heavens open up, and GOD himself**(again)** made himself known**(again)...**and also to make their worst fear comes true!**

Soon a mass amount of things (which was a size of a hill) appeared out of thin air...and it has everybody's favorate stuff! (well everybody from konoha!)

_This _got every konoha's citizens attantion.

Tsunade sniffed and spotted sake...then she ran...

...and then she was there in an instant (Woah! She appeared so fast! It was like Goku's instant transmition! instead of searching KI or energy...she locates sake!)

..."...Sake...FREE SAKE!!!" panting as she drooled.

She reached on top of the hill of...objects and pulled out a HUGE bottle of sake.

"It's...It's...mine...mine...It's all mine...IT'S AAAAALL MIIIINE!!!" she ROARED!

She was about to wrench off the cork until she noticed something...

"NOOOOoooooo!!!!!!" A wave off wailing sobs echoed throuout the lands.

Naruto who reconized Tsunade's wail, used Hiraishin and appeared on top of her shoulder. (Don't ask how or why...)

Jumping off her shoulder, he asked "What now?"

He doesn't really care about her that much, but since she HELPED kicked him out AND thought he was the kyuubi...

...he decided to annoy her more.

Perking up at Naruto's bored tone, she raised her head and glared at him her tearstained eyes, glowing with with misery and hate. (100 misery and 1 hatred)

"T...t...the s-sake..." She choked/wimpered out.

"Really? but Tsunade-bachan, you LOOOVE sake...don't you love sake?" He asked her like an adult wondering why a child doesn't like candy.

"I-i-it's...1.99$!" She wailed harder."I don't drink cheep saaake!"

Naruto sweatdropped in his pregnent silence.

"Sooo? It's still sake..."

"And...and...it's expired!!!" She screeched at him with red puffy eyes "And it expired fifty years ago...!!!" She fell to the floor.

"It's even older then meeeee!!!!" Her shrill voice nearly damaged his ears as she showed him the label.

_'Holy cheesburger, you right..!.' _

"Weeeell...since your busy, i'll leave you two alone...and there people wailing from that direction!" He pointed north of what seems to be Kakashi. "later!" He used the Hiraishin again. (again...don't ask)

**(With Kakashi)**

_'No no no no no no no no' _Was all that was in Kakashi's head as he read a book then throwing it in a pile, then reading another book and throwing it to the pile

In front of him...was a hills worth ofhis favorate books.

Icha Icha paradise, volume 1 to who knows how many Jirayia wrote

Aaaaaand when he saw the small mountain of these orange boos, he dived in and started swimming in it.

Picking one, he opened a _holy _orange book and holy light came from the pages. As the light receded he expecting a very good nosebleeder.

but instead of crying in joy like he was in heaven...

...he was crying like he was sentenced to wear Maito Gai's green leotards.

But why is he crying?

Because everytime he opens a book, comes not ordinary man/women smut...

--

--

..but instead...it was complete YOAI.

Even every page and sentence screams YAOI!!

With a roar, he summoned chidori AND Rakiri(?) and slashed at every "Icha Icha paradise YOAI edition" he could find.

But then an idea popped into Kakashi's head!

_'Wait! theres one REAL Icha Icha paradise in my shuriken pouch!_

He reached to his right shuriken pouch and pulled out his own book of utter orange porn...

...he opened it...

...and read it, hoping he will blush and get a nosebleed, he recited what he read...

_"Oh...yes Candy-kun! Harder!" said the blushing, blue haired MAN as he arched his back._

_"Yes Sonna-chan, I will..." Replied a lustful green haired MAN and-"_

Kakashi stopped reading and dropped the book. Glaring at his now worthless book he growled with venom.

"What man would want you now!?"

("Achooo!" sneezed Orochimaru)

Then he used the "fire style! Dragon flame missle!" and burned his former beloved.

He stood there for a minute and started to bawl like a baby. Then with a swift movement, he pulled out a kunai knife and held it to his heart.

"I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR ANYMORE!!...except for Sasuke, BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!!!" He plunged the knife to his chest..

...or so he thought.

Because the knife was _suprisingly_ replaced by a banana, fresh and peeled.

The silver haired, one eyed masked madman looked at his banana marked chest, then threw his head back and roared his anguish to the heavens.

Then his clothes _mysteriously _vanished leaving him butt naked in the middle of YOAI Icha Icha books...also his nudity attracted Kakashi fan girls.

Kakashi's roar of anguish doubled and echoed beyond the heavens...

...and nobody heard him...except his newfound fans.

**(MEANWHILE JIRAYIA)**

The toad sage was also in the same predicament as the Kakashi, except his roars of anguish was louder then Kakashi for some unknown reasons.

**(SAKURA)**

_'Pant...Sasuke-kun...pant...Sasuke-kun...pant...Sasuke-kun' _Thought Sakura as she slugishly sprinted in a field of grass...

...with hundreds and hundreds of Sasuke(s) just standing there waiting for a human racket with pink hair to grope them.

But EVERYTIME she tried to grope even one of her precious Sasuke-kuns, they explode into one of her worst fears.

INSECTS

Each 'Sasuke' she hug/grope they exploded into bees, flies, butterflies all kinds, leaving her screaming and groping like her life depends on it.

"SASUKE DARLING!! PLEEASE HEEEEELP MEEEEE" As she was stung by a wasp.

Oh yeah...how is Sasuke?

**(INO)**

Ino at the moment, was also the same predicament as Sakura. Not as much, but still bad.

**(SASUKE)**

_"Chidori...Itachi...Chidori...Itachi...CHIDORI...ITACHI!!" _Roared the enraged mind of Uchiha Sasuke as he glared at the person in front of him, which a man who he knew too well...

...a man...who he hate so much...

...And that man...was Uchiha Itachi.

And Itachi was staring at him emotionlessly.

And as much as he want to kill him, he can't, and because why?

He's still encased in the cament body cast from his fight with Naruto. His hands are wrapped in cament so he couldn't do any handseals or other things he do with his hands. His legs were concealed in cement so he can't run/walk and Itachi's there.

In fact, he had so many broken bones, the Konoha docters has his body engulfed in full body cast made of cament.

And the only was to identify him being alive was a slight shaking in the cast or a muffled "I'm going to kill you!" or rather...a muffled "Immm Gonning goo gill goo!"

Damn! Never have we see THE Uchiha Sasuke so vulnerable.

While he was in the cast, he was in danger of fangirls, rapist fangirls, the author of this story, fanboys and rapist fanboys and-OH GOD!

The last danger was...Sakura!

He didn't reconize her for a minute, except for a small patch of pink hair, or rather whats left of it, and due to the bee stings, wasp stings, fire ants stings, spider bites, Sakura-hater bites and many many more.

She was BARELY reconizable.

"Sasuke-kun...blah...blah...virginity...blah...heaven." She said as she pounced on him

Sasuke's muffled screams could be heard for...well, as far as loud whisper can go.

**(Other Naruto haters)**

Well...sometimes their cool and sometimes their bad so I'll just keep them neutral.

**(Others)**

The Konoha civilians were crying and sobbing as they ate crack. They all found money but then they realized their 'money' were actually paper crack, but since it's crack, they ate it anyway.

(Something hours later at the court)

Every Konoha citizens are now seated in their least favorate chairs. Tsunade was clutching a broken bottle of cheap sake and her face was miserable. Kakashi and Jiraiya are staring ahead with blank looks on their faces. Sakura and Ino has their sting swellings are still bad, but their faces were...happy? The Konoha citizens were giggling as if they were on crack. Others were also miserable. Last but not least, Sasuke, was the worst of them all, his cament body case torn from Sakura and Ino's little ravage, his hair was snow white from horror as if he saw something he shouldn't see.

And in front of all of them were Naruto, Akatsuki, Kyuubi, some creatures and others that they don't know.

In the very end was a tall pedestial that reached high up to the heavens and sitting on the top was Kami, and on his hand was a kind of hammer. (jury duty hammer)

**"Well well well" **Kami's voice ranged as they looked up to him with cold, blank, empty and souless eyes. **"How's your day?"**

"..." that's all they said.

**"Miserable? Good! now let the real T.O.K "TRIAL OF KONOHA" BEGAN!!" **And he hammered the hamlet.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Preview to the final chapter)

_**"Tell me godzilla-kun, what makes you think Konoha should be destroyed? And did this man did to you?"**_

_Godzilla glared at Jirayia and the others with hate._

_"Becasue their bastards and that ero-teme summoned frogs to eat my baby!_

_Jirayia looked outraged. _

_"But I didn't-"_

AND

_**"Sasuke...what is your crime to Uzumaki Naruto?" **__Kami's wise voice echoed through out the land._

_Sasuke snorted __**"None..."**_

_**"ACK! WRONG!" **__He pressed a button and stinky expired ramen dropped on Sasuke! _

_**"Next!"**_

_Tsunade nervously walked infront of Kami._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

A/NHere ch 4 and the next ch is going to be the final chapter.

Sorry if it wasn't as good as the other chapters, but i ran out of ideas and yes, everything is random.


	5. another an

WARNING, DO NOT REVIEW THIS CHAPTER (unless you want to)

Sorry for not updating for awhile, its just that I been really REALLY busy lately. You see...

-Ideas writers block

-school -bad grades**(straight F's)**

**- **teacher and school psycoligist hounding me about my life

-family problems one grandma driving me crazy, other grandma injured and family are worried

-other stupid reasons- very cold conditions**,(hard to write without shivering)**

-I got a new computer and got really excited and began to install**warcraft 3 **and **diablo 2 **immidiently making me play and lose interest in writing

-LAZY and LACK OF INTEREST OF WRITING UPDATES

So sorry and i mean SORRY for not updating but im starting to lose interest to write but that doesnt mean im abandoning my story(s).

**STORIES I HAVE WRITTEN AND CONDITIONS ABOUT THEM.**

**-Hiraishin no Naruto:** abandoned, available to be adopted...

-Get em Kyuubi: running out of random funny to put in..

-Sister's lust: trouble of writing how exactly how they got up in bed...

-Konoha's flying thunder god: struggling of how hes going to appear on the chunin exam stadium

-Pity from the white origami havent written anything yet but if I do it'll probly make a lot of complains by you guys like "Its rushed"

-The reincarnation of envy

**Completed work.**

-Yondaime 24 hours: one shot, done...not many reviews but done...

-Konoha your gonna pay!: one shot, Succesful...

Thats all and sorry to keep you up but i wont be updating for awhile.

**HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS! **

**p.s**

Hiraishin no Naruto is available to be adopted.

Konoha's flying thunder god has another choice of Naruto's special entrance

2A) Be late and then appear in his gold dragon form. (Just to scared the fuck out of everybody.) I don't know, too lazy to count votes

2B) Appear normal way: I don't know, too lazy to count votes

2C) Other: I don't know, too lazy to count votes

NEW!

**2D)** random entrance as if he was in wwe/wwf wrestling **(lol! i can totally imagine Naruto walking down the stadium wuth people behind him singing Triple H theme, "King of kings!")**


End file.
